FIC: But Don't Give Yourself Away (Sam/Dean, PG, post Do You Believe in Miracles)

[citrus_java]

Title: But Don't Give Yourself Away
Fandom: Always Supernatural
Relationship: Sam/Dean, Sam&Dean
Words: ~270
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 923, Do You Believe in Miracles
Summary: If Sam doesn't know, if Dean himself might not know...

"Sam, what did you do?" Dean sounded raw, tired with worry.

"Dean!" Sam's head jerked up from the candles , bowl dropping from his hands, spraying the art deco floor with spell ingredients. Dean was in his arms, herbs crushed under their boots, Dean's lips soft, the delicate skin of Dean's neck warm and wet with Sam's tears.

Dean pushed his brother away, gruff and concerned. "After all we've been through you go and make a deal? What, you - you couldn't wait to kiss another demon?" The pain in Dean's voice, like it hasn't been any time at all.

"It wasn't – I didn't!" Sam tried to reassure. "They wouldn't come. Any of them". They won't take my soul, it's never enough. "I – I tried, Dean! I'm sorry".

Dean held Sam's face for observation, the same way he used to check for injuries when they were young, as if he could tell whether Sam was OK just by his expressions. He did not look satisfied.

"How long have you got? Who was it, Crowley? That son of a bitch"

"Dean!" moments back from the dead, and already Dean was exasperating. Sam wanted every last bit of it . Forever. He could feel his eyes start to light up with laughter "Dean! I didn't make a deal! You're alive and I didn't make a deal".

He fell into a second hug, warmth blooming in his chest, more prominent than any worry and sorrow.

Ignored the thought nipping at the edge of his consciousness. During the months after Dean's deal expired, looking back in agony at their last year, Sam knew, muttered to himself through bargaining and anger. Had the deal been his, the first clause he'd have insisted on, was not to remember he'd made it.

Comments

[tabaqui]

HA, omg. That's....
*hands*
Good stuff.

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[balder12.livejournal.com]

Oh, God. The idea of erasing your memory about a deal is brilliant and so creepy.

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I can see Sam going through a whole year of canon with this worry at the back of his mind, perhaps at some point trying to find out etc (like those wonderful retellings of entire seasons, people seem to have stopped doing after season 3)...


I do wonder whether Sam would be willing to do that to himself after what he'd been through, but if he is willing ti sell his soul (for me, probably the most interesting and startling thing about that episode. if tht's true) - he'd know they'd do that to him anyway, he might believe he'd gone with that in advance, to at least benefit from it. OTOH, they are way more equipped to handle that sort of thing and avoid it now, so less likely after all.

[lyryk.livejournal.com]

Love the dialogue - so them. And the end is so chilling. I don't want to think about Sam going through more stuff that he can't remember, but these two have been known to go to terrible lengths to try to save each other.

already Dean was exasperating. Sam wanted every last bit of it . Forever.

So very them - loving each other, warts and all. :-D

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Yay, thank you so much! Yes, whether Sam did it or not, stending the time till he finds out worrying - is cruel. I wasn't sure about that line, thank you so much !

[ash-carpenter.livejournal.com]

Ooh. Very in character and then with a chilling little ending. I can just imagine that thought worming its way in and festering, with Sam not quite trusting himself...

[citrusjava.livejournal.com]

Ooh, thank you!
I'm so glad that's the image it painted, that's just what I was hoping for. Thank you so much!