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citrus_javaYears ago I've been interested in the boys in 12 step programs - more invested in that now -
1) Sam looking at meeting schedules for the next town they will be in
2) Dean on the phone with his sponsor at night when Sam assumes he is out drinking or with a woman
3) Dean trying to be a cynical shit but getting over that REAL fast, and going into that heartbreaking obedient, desperate to be good mode of his.
4) Sam having trouble with the 'higher power' thing more than Dean - Dean might be mad at God - but he is happy to give himself to powers bigger than his, like the program - and it is a relief - Sam - might have some gray, frayed concept of God left from when he was a boy - but it is harder to rely on, more nostalgic and grown up, less innocent than Dean's. Sam - just knows already that any little good thing is unexpected and a blessing, and will not last......
5) each of them covertly working the steps - Sam is better at keeping it to himself than Dean, had to learn to be, all his life....
Dean maybe getting taken by some monster and Sam accidentally finding stuff Dean wrote to himself for his step work - heart breaking at the things Dean thinks about himself, and swelling with hope when he realized that no, this is not notes Dean took for their case.... and if - when - Sam does manage to save Dean from this monster, the stakes are higher, because Dean might actually be better, might actually be happier, and they might be better too, and Sam had lost hope of that happening long ago....
1) Sam looking at meeting schedules for the next town they will be in
2) Dean on the phone with his sponsor at night when Sam assumes he is out drinking or with a woman
3) Dean trying to be a cynical shit but getting over that REAL fast, and going into that heartbreaking obedient, desperate to be good mode of his.
4) Sam having trouble with the 'higher power' thing more than Dean - Dean might be mad at God - but he is happy to give himself to powers bigger than his, like the program - and it is a relief - Sam - might have some gray, frayed concept of God left from when he was a boy - but it is harder to rely on, more nostalgic and grown up, less innocent than Dean's. Sam - just knows already that any little good thing is unexpected and a blessing, and will not last......
5) each of them covertly working the steps - Sam is better at keeping it to himself than Dean, had to learn to be, all his life....
Dean maybe getting taken by some monster and Sam accidentally finding stuff Dean wrote to himself for his step work - heart breaking at the things Dean thinks about himself, and swelling with hope when he realized that no, this is not notes Dean took for their case.... and if - when - Sam does manage to save Dean from this monster, the stakes are higher, because Dean might actually be better, might actually be happier, and they might be better too, and Sam had lost hope of that happening long ago....
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Date: 2015-10-09 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 09:52 pm (UTC)