I do feel there are small but significant places in which it would be problematic for me to participate, if I'm not "really" ace, whatever that "really" thing means. First, if I get to be part of the group, I might want to move to change the definition, or add a sub-category to it, where I wouldn't be "wrong" but where I could fit, me and others like me. So - like genderqueers to transgender people - or like annoying people like the one I mentioned - that would be sort of "telling asexuals who they are". And that could be awesome cause it'd make known and make room for a sort of ace existence that doesn't have a place at the moment - or it could be really intrusive. I don't know how to read that.
And also things as silly as - a person I know knitted an ace scarf, and asked who wanted it. I do want it. Mostly cause it'd mean belonging, to me, that's something that I want. As a non-ace person, I wouldn't ask for it. Of course not. But do I have "the right" to take this asexual resource - one of the very few? I don't know. What i ended up doing was telling that person a bit about where i am, and she decided not to give me the scarf. It was a bit hurtful - mostly cause of the symbolism of it - though I don't think she understood what i was saying, anyway. But had I gotten it - perhaps it's seriously not my place to be taking it from some other asexual person, to be carrying that symbol, to be identifying that way publicly, I don't know. And I do believe it is meaningful. Yesterday Ch and I saw someone on the street wearing a bisexual pin on their hat. That was meaningful. Even just that visibility. Had we I realized they were actually straight, I would have felt uncomfortable with it. Though OTOH, had they told me they were some sort of something in the middle, i probably would have been OK with it. DK.
no subject
I do feel there are small but significant places in which it would be problematic for me to participate, if I'm not "really" ace, whatever that "really" thing means. First, if I get to be part of the group, I might want to move to change the definition, or add a sub-category to it, where I wouldn't be "wrong" but where I could fit, me and others like me. So - like genderqueers to transgender people - or like annoying people like the one I mentioned - that would be sort of "telling asexuals who they are". And that could be awesome cause it'd make known and make room for a sort of ace existence that doesn't have a place at the moment - or it could be really intrusive. I don't know how to read that.
And also things as silly as - a person I know knitted an ace scarf, and asked who wanted it. I do want it. Mostly cause it'd mean belonging, to me, that's something that I want. As a non-ace person, I wouldn't ask for it. Of course not. But do I have "the right" to take this asexual resource - one of the very few? I don't know. What i ended up doing was telling that person a bit about where i am, and she decided not to give me the scarf. It was a bit hurtful - mostly cause of the symbolism of it - though I don't think she understood what i was saying, anyway. But had I gotten it - perhaps it's seriously not my place to be taking it from some other asexual person, to be carrying that symbol, to be identifying that way publicly, I don't know. And I do believe it is meaningful. Yesterday Ch and I saw someone on the street wearing a bisexual pin on their hat. That was meaningful. Even just that visibility. Had we I realized they were actually straight, I would have felt uncomfortable with it. Though OTOH, had they told me they were some sort of something in the middle, i probably would have been OK with it. DK.
Anyway - <3