I know... darlin' Sammy, I don't mean to either... but hey, everybody has their issues, to me gettting to know Sam's is part of loving Sam... He's amazing and caring, heartfelt, loyal. When he shows his heart, it's because he choses to, and that is meaningful in itself. And having to learn to be so calculated says a lot about some of the crap he went through. And while he desires to be part of society and protected, he gives that up to be with his loved ones. And he gives up everything - saying yes doesn't only mean "hopefully" spending eternity being tortured, it means being furthest away from hegemony-heaven as possible, (except perhaps people who just don't matter and aren't part of this conversation).
Sam knows how to fake his way into hegemony - say the right things, show the right amount of earnest emotion, hide most everything about himself, even from the woman he wants to marry. It's not really his place, but he's willing to pay that price - not sure he even sees that it's a huge price. Actually, pretty sure he never realized it was a huge price, not ever. Like he knows his place better than Dean, knows he will never be accepted as himself. Dean's at least emotional about it, Sam doesn't even allow himself that. Unlike Dean, he knows he has great potential and feels he deserves better. But unlike Dean he pushes that down into this thin, occasional sad bitterness. He doesn't talk about it. I believe that's part of the reason Sam deals with all this anger he doesn't want to name.
Out of the two of them, I can absolutely see Sam being the one to stand up to hegemony, society, *everyone*, even Dean himself. I can see him being the one to say "fuck you, I want to fuck my brother and there is nothing wrong with that, or if there is, I'll take it". Even if Dean would leave him. Dean would have a harder time standing alone, and Dean would be just more more socially embarrassed, being the good boy, after all. Dean needs that smile from the waitress, little bits of fondness from people he doesn't know. Because Dean knows he has nothing and no one, apart from Sam, who's likely to leave, in Dean's head. He doesn't have any options, just charm and desperation. He can't pay the price of being kicked further out of society. Unless it's for Sammy, which he'd do in a heartbeat. If someone said something cruel, or threatened Sammy, Dean could take a stand, even if it meant losing Sam. To clarify where he stands. Be protective, compassionate. Pretty possible he wouldn't have said no to Michael had it not meant going against Sam.
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and that sounds like I’m putting Sam down
I know... darlin' Sammy, I don't mean to either... but hey, everybody has their issues, to me gettting to know Sam's is part of loving Sam... He's amazing and caring, heartfelt, loyal. When he shows his heart, it's because he choses to, and that is meaningful in itself. And having to learn to be so calculated says a lot about some of the crap he went through. And while he desires to be part of society and protected, he gives that up to be with his loved ones. And he gives up everything - saying yes doesn't only mean "hopefully" spending eternity being tortured, it means being furthest away from hegemony-heaven as possible, (except perhaps people who just don't matter and aren't part of this conversation).
Sam knows how to fake his way into hegemony - say the right things, show the right amount of earnest emotion, hide most everything about himself, even from the woman he wants to marry. It's not really his place, but he's willing to pay that price - not sure he even sees that it's a huge price. Actually, pretty sure he never realized it was a huge price, not ever.
Like he knows his place better than Dean, knows he will never be accepted as himself. Dean's at least emotional about it, Sam doesn't even allow himself that. Unlike Dean, he knows he has great potential and feels he deserves better. But unlike Dean he pushes that down into this thin, occasional sad bitterness. He doesn't talk about it. I believe that's part of the reason Sam deals with all this anger he doesn't want to name.
Out of the two of them, I can absolutely see Sam being the one to stand up to hegemony, society, *everyone*, even Dean himself. I can see him being the one to say "fuck you, I want to fuck my brother and there is nothing wrong with that, or if there is, I'll take it". Even if Dean would leave him.
Dean would have a harder time standing alone, and Dean would be just more more socially embarrassed, being the good boy, after all. Dean needs that smile from the waitress, little bits of fondness from people he doesn't know. Because Dean knows he has nothing and no one, apart from Sam, who's likely to leave, in Dean's head. He doesn't have any options, just charm and desperation. He can't pay the price of being kicked further out of society.
Unless it's for Sammy, which he'd do in a heartbeat. If someone said something cruel, or threatened Sammy, Dean could take a stand, even if it meant losing Sam. To clarify where he stands. Be protective, compassionate.
Pretty possible he wouldn't have said no to Michael had it not meant going against Sam.