citrus_java: (Default)
Title: Validation
Ship: Sam/Dean or Sam&Dean
Summary: the important part


"Dean" Sam says, gently pushing Dean away.

Dean's eyes are so round. "Shit, shit". His movements are jerky. "Shit. Sam" he moves to go, he's at the motel door.

"Dean! Shit. Wait" Sam grabs his shoulder. "Stop, wait!"

Dean shakes him off, his face thin bitter hatred that makes Sam's stomach churn.

Sam gets in his way, hand against Dean's chest. "Dean, listen. Shit, listen. It's ok. There's nothing wrong with-"

"Dammit, Sam" Dean sounds almost tired. Sits down, He rubs a hand over his face. "Shit, shit. Go back to Stanford, Sam".

"No, listen", Sam hesitates, then allows himself to kneel next to Dean. To grab his shoulders. Deans jerks at the touch, but doesn't pull away. There is always this thing between them. "Listen, Dean. That's the thing. I'm not leaving. I don't give a fuck about the sex, have it not have it, I don't care, Dean. But maybe - Dean, we don't have to do this. you don't have to offer this. it isn't important. I am not going anywhere, I am not leaving, I'm not leaving, ok?"


Then there is relief and cuddling , cause even though this is early season fic, it is now season ten, and the world has changed and fandom too.
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I'm gonna try to randomly post bits of not fic/not porn/'just imagine if' things here as well as Tumblr sometimes, and find out whether people here enjoy them/wanna play with making up more  of them, or if that is strickly a Tumblr thing. OK.


Dean just wants to be Sam’s puppy  today.  For over a year - he can’t even start thinking about it - he feels too guilty, too wrong.  He just wants - needs -  just for one day to pause everything - to stop. And spend the day on his knees nuzzling Sam’s thigh, eyes squeezed closed and lips open for panting.  Hide his face and smell  Sam and maybe even get to feel  the weight of Sam’s palm on the back of his neck, maybe even scratching  his head, behind his ears. To kiss and suck Sam’s fingers as they brush over his face, to curl  up and breathe,  as Sam pats his back and shoulders and soothes -  good boy, Dean, you’re  being very good.
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Wrote this not-fic yesterday for sad people on Tumblr. It's seriously just fluffy fluff and barely that. Might be comforting, though.

Just letting you know, that the real Sam, Cas, Benny and Dean are now napping in a pile of fluffy pillows, all curled up around each other. They've been watching the show and Cas read about Jared and everything on Tumblr (cause Tumblr is cross-dimensional), and they got worried and sad

So they made a bunch of comfort food and watched My Little Pony and Dean's fingers just touched Sam just to make sure, and Sam's head was in Benny's lap and his fingers digging into Dean's abdomen, and Benny was petting Sam’s hair and Sam was not thinking how comfortable that certain part of Benny was, and how comforting his touch was,

and Cas wrapped himself around Dean, unaware he was holding the place where Dean’s mark wasn’t, holding it almost tight enough for Dean to b uncomfortable, but Dean didn’t complain cause he sorta needed to feel that too.

And Cas was fascinated by the show, “I too used to wonder what friendship could be before I met you, Dean”, and Sam snorted and Benny kissed Cas’ forehead and then the food was ready, so they brought in all in front of the TV and cuddled even closer together.

And Sam was falling asleep, Dean squeezed his arm and said - you know I don’t - I would never - I’m sorry, Sam - and Sam hugged him and told him not to be stupid, that wasn’t at all them! - but something unknotted in his chest, in his throat
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If Sam hurt his elbow in an embarrassing way, that involved Cas but was not Cas' fault exactly, and that involved a demon, clearly Castiel was all toppy BAMF and glorious manhandling a demon, and Sam was just so turned on he jacked off for hours, resulting in injury. OK, injuries.
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There's this rare trope that I like: Someone's girlfriend meets that person's ex/lover, and rather than hating each other, like the stereotype of catty women demands, they bond. Cause for all their differences, they do have a lot in common. And cause they know his annoying traits, and can exchange notes. Stuff like that.

That is sometimes the way I feel when I read Destiel.

-Years of denial, and then he doesn't want to talk about it. For a guy who cries a lot, it's impossible to get him to talk about his feelings.
-I know And I didn't realize your boy was a virgin too, his first time with Dean.
-Yeah, perhaps he has a thing for that.
-Sure, he has a thing for most everything else...
-The Impala, guns, killing zombies, panties, smoking,
-threesomes with Lindsay Lohan, magic fingers, topping, bottoming,
-anything but cock.
-which he never liked before and will never like again, let it go, Jeez.
*both laugh and clink glasses*

Unrelated, cause gotta have something silly to bring the tone down: hm. Just realized the new baby's called JJ. J2. Slashers, rejoice.
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So [livejournal.com profile] deirdre_c said community-building and fannishness, and I found myself saying I'll try to post every day this week. Cause aww, fannish communities <3
So hey, if there's anything you'd like me to post about, let me know.
Today - a fic-concept I dreamed last night, and some dorky fannish stuff in my life that made me happy.

Not fic (Sam/Dean, early seasons) )


Happily Being Fannish )

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